Holding Space as the Teacher
There has been so much controversy about yoga lately. It is good to see our path being researched, spoken about and even scrutinized. It can be a bit overwhelming to try to sift through and figure out what is truth. Yet it has been wonderful to hear the dialogue that has been generated by these recent columns, books and stories. Even if we do not agree with what is being said, it encourages us to ask ourselves why we think what we think. In speaking about it with others, we can come away with a deeper and fuller understanding of what we see as the truth, at least at this stage of our journey. Truth is constantly being revealed as we evolve. It is a never-ending process. As the Upanishads tell us, “Many paths, one truth.”
Recently, in the wake of some revelations about a well-known yoga teacher, a former student and wonderful yoga teacher asked me to offer some thoughts on boundaries between yoga teachers and students, especially in the area of romantic/sexual involvement. This blog is not meant to judge on current events, of which I have no first hand knowledge, but rather to speak about a subject that I feel strongly about, create some understanding and perhaps even give some guidance in the hopes that we can maintain healthy and empowering boundaries.
The Yoga Alliance standards, as well as the ethics statements of most, if not all, yoga teacher trainings that I know of are quite explicit on teacher/student relationships. The ShivaShakti Synthesis ethics statement, which all students have to agree to and sign in order to teach, states the yoga teacher/therapist:
Will not take advantage of students/clients financially, sexually, romantically, or otherwise.
Refrain from romantic or sexual relationship with a current student, even if invited by the student.
If that is a given, why is it then we see so many of teachers, even gurus, stumbling in this area? A number of our most popular national teaching figures were or are married to former students. How does this happen?
Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra 1.4 (via Donna Farhi’s book, Teaching Yoga) states “vritti sarupayam itarata,” which translates as: at other times (itarata) the seer identifies with (sarupayam) the fluctuations in the state of consciousness (vritti).
Let’s look at a two of these Sanskrit words. Vritti refers to the thought waves of the mind. It is familiar to most of us who have studied yoga, as it is spelled out in the second sutra, which defines yoga as the stilling, quieting or non-attachment to these thought waves. According to Iyengar, Vritti can also mean a course of conduct, behavior, a state of being, mode of action, movement, function or operation. Sarupayam refers to our identification with these actions. Whenever we are referring to identification, we have moved into the realm of ego. Psychologically speaking, the ego is not necessarily a bad thing; it creates a sense of self (the “I” self) and can be quite useful in western society. However, when we become attached to our egos, the blinders go on and we can lose sight of reality. We see things from the perspective of our history and memory, which in all likelihood is not totally accurate. So when the ego is operating, those definitions of vrittis above, such as courses of action, conduct, behavior, etc., may not be accurately seen and understood when the veil of misunderstanding surrounds us. When the blinders are removed, those vrittis are seen as just that, fluctuations of energy and pieces of the picture, rather than the abiding truth of reality and our true nature.
When a student comes to a yoga class, they bring their past with them--their hopes, dreams, expectations and previous good and bad experiences with authority figures--into the classroom. In our current society, it is quite unlikely that they are coming in completely neutral, without any baggage at all. Because we cannot expect our students to be neutral, it becomes essential that we are, at least while we are holding the space of teacher. This is because the student/teacher relationship, whether we like it or not, is hierarchical, and therefore the teacher is viewed as an authority figure. There is a reasonable expectation that those in power will not abuse it and take advantage of those not in power. And that is the reality of the classroom. We are the teachers.
When a student wants to date, have sex with, becomes friends with, buy a fancy present for a teacher, they are not wanting to do that with me or you, they want to do that with the role of “Teacher.” So whether the student likes me or doesn’t like me, flatters me or criticizes me, my job is to breathe, not take it personally, and respect their felt experience. This is not to say I am not allowed to appreciate a compliment or should tolerate abuse but rather maintain a safe space for whatever may be coming up for them. Later on, I may reflect on what the student said, notice if I have any ego reactions from it and use the interaction as a learning experience. At the time however, my job is to simply be present (which of course is simple and so very difficult).
This sounds so easy but when a student comes up who has a need based from their past experience to be seen and noticed and my ego is feeling unappreciated and needing some soothing this can create a dangerous and unconscious interaction. In psychological terms this is referred to as transference and counter-transference. The student suggests getting together for some tea or a glass of wine at a place around the corner, the two of you go and notice you have so much in common and before long, and without intending to violate boundaries, an intimate relationship has developed. It may be sexual, romantic, financial or even just the intimacy of best friends, without regard to honoring the boundaries of the student/teacher relationship and consciously transitioning to a different type of relationship.
Referring back to Yoga Sutra 1.4, if we view the actions of our students as vritti, and the teacher as the seer, then it is our job as teachers to avoid attachment to these those constant and inconsistent fluctuations in thoughts and behavior. We maintain our role as authority figures by not allowing ourselves to be fully seen in all our humanness. My students may know that I had a rough day and am grateful to be with them in the studio but they don’t need to know the gory details of my rough day. This time is for them. My job is to provide a compassionate and non-judgmental presence that allows them to awaken to their beautiful diversity within the unity of true nature. At the beginning I may need to be like the sun, a source of light and warmth to wake students up to their inner light. Then I need to step back and be more like the humble moon, reflecting their light back to them.
I could go on and on about this but it is time to turn it back to you. I would love to hear your thoughts and continue this essential exploration.
Shanti, Janice
