The gift of presence

The gift of presence

“Listening is more than simply hearing. Listening involves all the senses.” Jim Canterucci

How often have you said or heard someone say they just want to be seen, they just want to be heard? Why is it we feel this way? To truly listen to someone, as opposed to just hearing words (not unlike the cartoon of a human commanding a dog to sit or stay and it turns out what the dog is hearing is blah, de-blah, de-blah), is to begin to establish the conditions of truly connecting with another. It is establishing presence.

Recently, during the level two teacher-training weekend, we engaged in an exercise of establishing presence and then listening. The response from those who were heard for two to three minutes was profound. People were surprised that emotions arose through such a simple exercise, that they felt so moved. This may be because many of us unfortunately do not have much experience in being fully heard by another with non-judgmental presence. By presence I mean, fully awake and aware of what the other is saying. In other words, listening cannot happen unless first we ground and center ourselves in the moment. This is our greatest gift, our presence.

So how can we learn to listen? Try this exercise with a friend. First, one of you will choose to be the “listener” and one will be the “speaker.”

The listener will need to find him or herself. To do this, ground. Feel your feet, legs, sitz bones, pelvis and the base of your skull. Feel the sacrum as the potent source of energy at the core. As the tailbone roots down into the earth, the sacrum initiates the rebounding energy drawing up to the crown of the head. The sacrum and tailbone are the anchors that allow the crown of the head to open to what is going on outside without losing one’s center.
From that place, set an intention to listen with your whole body, not just your ears.
Ask your partner in this experience what is most present for them at this moment. Then let them talk, without analyzing, judging or fixing.
Rather than telling them what to do, try asking more questions. “Can you tell me more about it? What is your sense about what is present? Where is it felt? Does it have a shape, color or texture? Does it feel light or dark, loose or tight, etc?”

It is interesting how often we try to “fix” without finding out what the problem is. No wonder our best advice is not taken. When we take the time to listen the person being heard usually doesn’t end up needing fixing. As they hear themselves, the answer arises.

Give this a try. Give the greatest gift there is, your presence. And let me know how it goes.

Shanti

Resiliency

Resiliency

Last week, we continued exploring the hamstrings. In that blog there was mention of the fascia, the glove-like connective tissue that interweaves and encases the tissues and structures of the body. This led me to a meandering train of thought about autumn and its reminder that the only constant is change. I see a connection between fascia and this dance of fall bringing on its winds of change.

When the fascia is tight the body cannot adapt, move and change as needed. It is like wearing shoes that are too tight. Everything in the body becomes restricted. Just as a tree that does not sway in the wind will break, a rigid body is prone to break down. But the opposite presents problems too: when there is no tone, when things are too loose, there is a lack of integrity in the system, which can lead to dissipation of energy, fatigue and injury.

This brought to mind one of my favorite words these days – resiliency. Resiliency is the “ability to spring back from and adapt to adversity,” whether that adversity is due to physical or psychological stressors. Resiliency brings to mind energy that is not too tight and not too loose but, as Goldilocks would say, “is just right.” Resiliency is a play of balancing opposites, of equanimity.

What are some ways to create resilience? Working with the fascia is a good one. Doing things that are nourishing to your being/Being is another. I love to play with balance poses in the fall as they remind me that balance is not a static thing, that it is constantly changing and that every time I find a new point of balance for that moment, I am creating resilience.

What creates resilience for you? What nourishes you? Respond and we can start a dialog; I would love to learn from you.

Can the Hamstrings Ever be Happy? Part 2

Can the hamstrings ever be happy? Part 2.

Last week we focused on working with the hamstrings in terms of bones, muscles and alignment. There is an important piece that was left out that Doug Keller, Tom Myers and other wonderful teachers are paying more attention to, and that is the fascia.

What is fascia? Fascia is the connective tissue that is developed early on in the embryo and surrounds and holds muscles, muscles groups, muscle fibers, blood vessels and nerves together. The most superficial layer lies just under the surface of the skin and acts like a glove holding the entire body together. It is both thin and strong. This might seem a little gross, but if you have ever looked at a chicken breast and noticed the whitish colored thin sheets between the skin and the meat, that is fascia.

It makes sense then that if we try to stretch a muscle without attending to the glove encasing it, we might not get too far. Doug Keller states that “in contemporary theory, especially based on studies of embryology, it is the connective tissue of the body that seems to function in the way that Prana was described by the yogis.” Working with the fascia allows our whole body to breathe.

So how can we work with the fascia? In ShivaShakti Synthesis we focus a lot on warm-ups. Warm-ups are a way to create space to let the fascia breathe. Working with marma points, or places where the nadis or energy pathways cross, are another way to open the fascia. They are potent because they are places where energy tends to get blocked, just like any other crossroad. When we work with the marma points we are opening up the pranic pathways, which in turn, according to the science of yoga, opens both the body and mind.

So try this exercise from Doug Keller. At the bottom of the foot is a marma point known as Pada Madhya (pada meaning foot), which is located between the second and third metatarsals at the top of the arch.

Come into an easy uttanasana (standing forward bend). Keep the knees soft so there is no strain.
Gently shift your weight to your right foot.
Take your fingers to your right foot and “goose” the place on your arch described above by gently massaging it and putting slight pressure on it by pulling up. The pressure should feel like a release (not a strain), so as to protect the ligaments that form the arch.
Release the hand and return to placing equal weight on both legs in the forward bend.
Explore the depth of the pose; notice if there is anything different from your first version. Are the hamstrings perhaps more open on that side?

This is an example of working with the fascia through a marma point. By creating space in that energy system, the back of the leg was able to release a bit. Try the other side and then do both at the same time. This marma point does more than help the feet and legs. It is said to also help with headaches, cold feet, insomnia and lightheadedness.

Let me know how it works for you. And as always, I would love to hear from you about what you are interested in.