Forgetting and Remembering
Last Monday I sat down to write the “weekly” blog. I put weekly in quotations as it does not get produced each week as I would like. Life tends to not always cooperate. The focus of the blog was to be on the hip joint and its relationship to yoga and to the energy of the rebirth of spring. I sat in front of the computer, got two lines written and then realized that I did not have the energy or brain capacity at that point to write it as I was still recovering from the flu. Honoring my body’s needs and reality, rather than my cognitive intention, I shut down the computer and laid down on the couch.
Getting the flu, a full blown case with 102 degree temperature like I had not experienced in probably 15-20 years, brought me right up against my ego and out of touch with humility. Thoughts such as “why am I sick, what did I do wrong, let me take this remedy and it will go away, I can’t be sick, how will I reschedule all my clients, etc.,” filled my head. I was so convinced that I could will it away that I even worked until my body put the brakes on and I came to a full-blown stop.
I have worked hard in the past year to be more present to my needs, to surrender to the moment and to reach out for assistance. My old pattern had been to push through and think I had to do much of it myself. With the crisis of illness, all the new coping mechanisms I had gained and celebrated seemed to momentarily be forgotten. Does this sound familiar? How does this happen? The yoga sutras of Patanjali give us some insight. In book two of the sutras, Patanjali outlines the causes of suffering. They are:
Avidya (ignorance of our eternal and connected true nature; the loss of true identity.) This ignorance is a normal part of the human condition. With birth an individual form is adopted. In that individuation there can be a sense of abandonment and loneliness leading to a feeling of vulnerability.
Asmita (false sense of self, ego.) To guard against this feeling of vulnerability, a protective structure known as ego is developed. Because the ego is external, it tends to require external support to maintain its existence, which leads to
Raga (attachment to that which does support the ego.)
Dveshya (aversion to that which does not support the ego.) There is a natural tendency to become attached to things that support the sense of self while rejecting or avoiding those things that do not. In Western science, this might be referred to as the fight or flight response. This up and down ride of raga and dveshya leads to behaviors of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, which leads to suffering.
Abineveshah (fear of death.) The reality of life is that everything except “essence” or “Source” is impermanent. We experience death every moment. It may be the death of a cell, (our bodies are said to be totally new every seven years), the death of an identity, a relationship or a season. The only constant is change. The greater the attachment to the false sense of self, the greater the fear of loss becomes. Running from this fear reinforces the basic misunderstanding that keeps us stuck in the cycle of suffering. Reinforcing abineveshah takes us right back to avidya, ignorance of our true nature.
How did this play out in my illness? The illness created a sense of vulnerability. In that state I clicked in to a sense of aloneness. This was absolutely not true, I have wonderful sources of support, but in that time of crisis, I forgot. And that forgetting truly is the cause of suffering. From that basic misunderstanding I fell back into old ego patterns. This is true for us all. What varies is how our ego patterns show up. Mine showed up in that “push through and carry on” way. In hindsight it was a gift to be able to see where there false belief still exists so I can continue to unwind it. This ego pattern took me into behaviors that supported the false belief system by the acts of attachment or rejection. And that took me further into the fear of death. In the thought patterns I mentioned in the second paragraph, can you hear the resistance to accepting some of those mini-deaths of ego and false beliefs? Resistance to accepting that I can do my best but I am not in control of the world, and stuff will happen, despite my best efforts and intentions? All of this cycled me back to avidya, the basic misunderstanding.
What got me out of the cycle? I was intelligent enough to cancel teaching yoga classes. In putting that word out some friends reached out. In that reaching out they reminded me of my present reality – that I am not alone, I have support, that stuff happens, that lots of folks have been getting the flu, i.e., I didn’t do anything “wrong.” They brought me soup and tea and relatively quickly, and this is an improvement from the past, I got out of my head and into my body. I received the love and support and offered it to myself. I was able to let go and rest knowing that if I got out of my way, my wise and intelligent being would do the healing. This is the return to vidya, or truth. This brought me back to humility, which bought me back to remembering, which brought me back to wholeness.
This is my story. I wanted to be honest about my process in hopes that it will support you in remembering. I would love to hear about what takes you into forgetting and what brings you back into remembering.
Next week I hope to write about the hip. If you have some issues or questions about that topic, or any other, I would love to hear about it.
Shanti, Janice
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Panchakarma - Release and Rejuvenation
Panchakarma - Release and Rejuvenation, by Kristin Stevens
Last year I was challenged to confront everything I knew about health because I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. Wait, what? Me? At 42-years old, I was a yoga teacher, meditator and nutrition enthusiast, and I considered myself extremely healthy. But when I got my diagnosis, I knew my body was telling a different story. Something was not working, and I took it as my job to figure out what it was and return to a state of maximum health.
I went through the regular Western treatment, which included lumpectomy surgery and a 6-week course of radiation therapy. Along the way, though, I knew I wanted to find alternative treatments that would enhance my healing and reduce side effects. I tried numerous alternative practitioners, and I always came back to one doctor whose recommendations resonated with me on a deep level: ShivaShakti’s own Dr. Vijay Jain, a Western-trained surgeon and experienced ayurvedic physician. I did my best to adhere to his simple ayurvedic recommendations for dietary changes and herbal supplements to boost immunity and reduce inflammation. They helped me during treatment, but I knew that the root cause of the cancer--the factors that created the conditions for the cancer cells to proliferate in the first place--had not been addressed.
So when Dr. Jain suggested that I do panchakarma, an ayurvedic detoxication process that integrates yoga and ayurveda into a whole body wellness program, I was in. He indicated that panchakarma would help cleanse my body of toxins resulting from the cancer treatment itself, including anesthesia and radiation, as well as release the toxic build-up that fostered the cancer growth. He also told me his theory that panchakarma would provide an effective alternative to an estrogen-inhibiting drug my oncologists recommended that I take. Okay, let me get this straight... a holistic way to clean house, so to speak, and prevent the cancer from recurring without the addition of more toxins and the potential for unpleasant side effects? Um, yes, sign me up.
What exactly is panchakarma and how does it work?
Panchakarma is a three-week ayurvedic detoxification program that releases deeply-held toxins, called ama, while simultaneously nourishing and rejuvenating on a cellular level. It is based on the premise that anything we take in through the senses, i.e., food, music, television, etc., has to be digested. If the digestive system is not well-balanced, and for most of us these days it is not, then the food or other sensory experience collects in our bodies as ama (toxins), which give rise to disease. During panchakarma, the ama is drawn into the digestive system and released by various protocols according to each individual’s specific needs and ayurvedic constitution.
The first week is all about drawing the toxins into the blood stream and then into the digestive system. This is done by ingesting ghee with bitter herbs on a daily basis while adhering to an ayurvedic diet. The second week, which is onsite at Amrit Yoga Institute in Salt Springs, FL, is designed to help release and eliminate the toxins. The treatments, depending on your individual constitution, may include virechna (controlled purgation), basti (cleansing enemas), abhyanga (hot oil massages), herbal steam treatments, shirodhara (calming oil streamed to the third eye to remove emotional blocks), and others. The third week is about rejuvenation--continuing a cleansing diet and incorporating specific practices to help nourish and rebuild the tissues.
What are the benefits of panchakarma? What is it actually like? Is it worth it?
By now you may be wondering what the punch line to this story is... as in, what are the benefits of doing the program? What is it actually like? How does it feel? And, perhaps most importantly, is it worth the effort cost?
Well, from one yogini to another, I will tell you that it is totally, unequivocally worth it, and I’ve never felt so amazing. I’ve written a brief summary of the benefits in terms of the koshas, or layers of being: physical, energy, mental/emotional, wisdom, and bliss:
Physical Body
Although the treatments work at all layers, a lot of the action, so to speak, takes place in the physical body. For me, the elimination of toxins through virechna and two bastis was less than pleasant. But my theory is that the more ama one has, the less comfortable it will be coming out. Unfortunately, after all my cancer treatments, I had a lot of ama! But during those intense few days, I took my body’s strong cues to rest and relax, and I can honestly say that the clean feeling afterwards was worth it.
The food at the ashram was wonderful, consisting primarily of kichadi, rice and dal, and sauteed vegetables. It was comforting to know that the meals were clean and well-balanced for each dosha. One interesting tidbit about eating according to ayurvedic principles: when finished with a balanced meal, which includes all six tastes, there are no cravings. Usually, I like to end a meal with something sweet, but during this week I was perfectly satisfied after every meal. What a bonus.
The daily treatments of abhyanga, steam and shirodhara at first felt a little, well, oily. We were encouraged to limit our use of soap, so as to allow the oils to soak in to the skin. Once I got over my initial hesitation, I found that I relished in the softness of my skin and didn’t want to wash the benefits of the treatments away. I have since incorporated a daily abhyanga self-massage practice, and it has really made a difference in how grounded and connected to the earth I feel. I highly recommend it.
Energy Body
In general, my energy waned in the beginning of the week, but after a gentle energy treatment with Janice and increased sustenance through fresh air and nourishing foods, I started to rebound and feel even more energized than before.
Another aspect of the energy body, of course, is the breath. I have known for a while now that I’m a pretty shallow breather, especially when I’m under stress (which is apparently a lot). Dr. Jain emphasized daily pranayama as a way for me to calm my over-engaged sympathetic nervous system. I find that in the course of my daily life (back in reality, that is), I don’t do pranayama as much as prescribed, but I am stealing away small practices whenever I have a little down time, and it quickly helps me access a deeper level of calm. Nothing like a little energetic nadi shodana at a red light.
Mental/Emotional Body
Many panchakarma programs deal with the physical effects of treatments as well as a spiritual component, but to my knowledge, this particular panchakarma program is the only one that fully integrates emotional processing along with the other aspects. The reason for the addition of two yoga therapy sessions is that when physical toxins are eliminated from the body, the emotions suppressed by the toxins come up as well.
For me, the emotional processing was fairly subtle. It started with some very quiet thoughts about wishing I could be a better yoga teacher (if only I could teach like Janice!). If I hadn’t been paying close attention, I would have missed them. But then in my yoga therapy session, we started working with this subtle envy and its complement, shame. At one point, my eyes started fluttering, and after Janice asked me why, I said, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Ahhh... the energy of confusion, the underlying emotion beneath the others. As we continued, I saw an image of my scared inner six-year old hiding behind a door. It turns out her patterns of hiding, comparing and self-criticizing are still my go-to coping mechanisms whenever I get confused. But now that I know the source of these habituated patterns, I can use my adult awareness and tools to respond to the confusion instead of reacting to it. What a gift.
If I hadn’t learned the lesson yet, I got a reminder from nature in the form of a bird that repeatedly banged into the glass window outside. Janice and I said at the same time, “the bird is confused!” Even instinctual beings like birds get confused. Confusion is just a vibration of energy like any other emotion, and we can learn to be with it instead of resisting it (or berating ourselves for it). Part of our inner knowing is sometimes not knowing.
Wisdom Body
After about four full days of clean food, plenty of rest, fresh air, two-hour massages, shirodhara, and daily yoga and yoga nidra, Dr. Jain took my pulse and said, “your mind is still very active, isn’t it?” Um, well, yeah, how did you know? (He knew by taking my pulse--go figure).
The amount of sensory input and stress that we endure on a daily basis is staggering when you really think about it. Television. Internet. Email and texting. Phones ringing. Cars and sirens. Conference calls. Meetings. It’s no wonder that we find it hard to unwind and relax.
Even after almost a week of being unplugged, my mind calmer, but still over-active. From that point on, I incorporated even more pranayama and yoga nidra, and I started to observe noticeable shifts toward a quieter mind and a more centered presence. By the end of the week, the pace of my thoughts actually slowed down. I got a beautiful glimpse of what a quiet mind actually feels like, and it felt magical.
Bliss Body
When living on a quiet ashram near a beautiful lake, it is not difficult to get a sense of oneness, of the bliss in everything. An evening of kirtan certainly helped honor the energy of the divine.
Two specific moments, though, stood out for me. The first was on a walking meditation through a national forest on our last full day. I experienced a joyous sense of oneness and exhilaration as I gazed at the stately pine trees set against a brilliant azure sky. Magnificent.
The other was on the last day, when Dr. Jain took my pulse and said, “your vata is down, your pitta is down, your ama is gone. This is what it feels like to be in balance.” I started crying tears of joy. To know that my intentions had been realized. My efforts had paid off. And the best part was that I could feel the difference in every layer of my being: a clean, clear body; deeper breathing and an increased flow of energy; the sweet release of emotional baggage; a calm, relaxed state of mind; and a stronger connection to the oneness of everything. Now that is bliss.
Kristin Stevens graduated from the ShivaShakti Synthesis Level I program in 2010 and currently coordinates Level I marketing and ShivaShakti's Facebook page (please visit our page to join the conversation!). She is also a business coach who specializes in helping healing practitioners make their vision a reality and make a good living in the process. Check out her affordable coaching options, including a new virtual community for healers, at www.kristinmstevens.com.
Last year I was challenged to confront everything I knew about health because I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. Wait, what? Me? At 42-years old, I was a yoga teacher, meditator and nutrition enthusiast, and I considered myself extremely healthy. But when I got my diagnosis, I knew my body was telling a different story. Something was not working, and I took it as my job to figure out what it was and return to a state of maximum health.
I went through the regular Western treatment, which included lumpectomy surgery and a 6-week course of radiation therapy. Along the way, though, I knew I wanted to find alternative treatments that would enhance my healing and reduce side effects. I tried numerous alternative practitioners, and I always came back to one doctor whose recommendations resonated with me on a deep level: ShivaShakti’s own Dr. Vijay Jain, a Western-trained surgeon and experienced ayurvedic physician. I did my best to adhere to his simple ayurvedic recommendations for dietary changes and herbal supplements to boost immunity and reduce inflammation. They helped me during treatment, but I knew that the root cause of the cancer--the factors that created the conditions for the cancer cells to proliferate in the first place--had not been addressed.
So when Dr. Jain suggested that I do panchakarma, an ayurvedic detoxication process that integrates yoga and ayurveda into a whole body wellness program, I was in. He indicated that panchakarma would help cleanse my body of toxins resulting from the cancer treatment itself, including anesthesia and radiation, as well as release the toxic build-up that fostered the cancer growth. He also told me his theory that panchakarma would provide an effective alternative to an estrogen-inhibiting drug my oncologists recommended that I take. Okay, let me get this straight... a holistic way to clean house, so to speak, and prevent the cancer from recurring without the addition of more toxins and the potential for unpleasant side effects? Um, yes, sign me up.
What exactly is panchakarma and how does it work?
Panchakarma is a three-week ayurvedic detoxification program that releases deeply-held toxins, called ama, while simultaneously nourishing and rejuvenating on a cellular level. It is based on the premise that anything we take in through the senses, i.e., food, music, television, etc., has to be digested. If the digestive system is not well-balanced, and for most of us these days it is not, then the food or other sensory experience collects in our bodies as ama (toxins), which give rise to disease. During panchakarma, the ama is drawn into the digestive system and released by various protocols according to each individual’s specific needs and ayurvedic constitution.
The first week is all about drawing the toxins into the blood stream and then into the digestive system. This is done by ingesting ghee with bitter herbs on a daily basis while adhering to an ayurvedic diet. The second week, which is onsite at Amrit Yoga Institute in Salt Springs, FL, is designed to help release and eliminate the toxins. The treatments, depending on your individual constitution, may include virechna (controlled purgation), basti (cleansing enemas), abhyanga (hot oil massages), herbal steam treatments, shirodhara (calming oil streamed to the third eye to remove emotional blocks), and others. The third week is about rejuvenation--continuing a cleansing diet and incorporating specific practices to help nourish and rebuild the tissues.
What are the benefits of panchakarma? What is it actually like? Is it worth it?
By now you may be wondering what the punch line to this story is... as in, what are the benefits of doing the program? What is it actually like? How does it feel? And, perhaps most importantly, is it worth the effort cost?
Well, from one yogini to another, I will tell you that it is totally, unequivocally worth it, and I’ve never felt so amazing. I’ve written a brief summary of the benefits in terms of the koshas, or layers of being: physical, energy, mental/emotional, wisdom, and bliss:
Physical Body
Although the treatments work at all layers, a lot of the action, so to speak, takes place in the physical body. For me, the elimination of toxins through virechna and two bastis was less than pleasant. But my theory is that the more ama one has, the less comfortable it will be coming out. Unfortunately, after all my cancer treatments, I had a lot of ama! But during those intense few days, I took my body’s strong cues to rest and relax, and I can honestly say that the clean feeling afterwards was worth it.
The food at the ashram was wonderful, consisting primarily of kichadi, rice and dal, and sauteed vegetables. It was comforting to know that the meals were clean and well-balanced for each dosha. One interesting tidbit about eating according to ayurvedic principles: when finished with a balanced meal, which includes all six tastes, there are no cravings. Usually, I like to end a meal with something sweet, but during this week I was perfectly satisfied after every meal. What a bonus.
The daily treatments of abhyanga, steam and shirodhara at first felt a little, well, oily. We were encouraged to limit our use of soap, so as to allow the oils to soak in to the skin. Once I got over my initial hesitation, I found that I relished in the softness of my skin and didn’t want to wash the benefits of the treatments away. I have since incorporated a daily abhyanga self-massage practice, and it has really made a difference in how grounded and connected to the earth I feel. I highly recommend it.
Energy Body
In general, my energy waned in the beginning of the week, but after a gentle energy treatment with Janice and increased sustenance through fresh air and nourishing foods, I started to rebound and feel even more energized than before.
Another aspect of the energy body, of course, is the breath. I have known for a while now that I’m a pretty shallow breather, especially when I’m under stress (which is apparently a lot). Dr. Jain emphasized daily pranayama as a way for me to calm my over-engaged sympathetic nervous system. I find that in the course of my daily life (back in reality, that is), I don’t do pranayama as much as prescribed, but I am stealing away small practices whenever I have a little down time, and it quickly helps me access a deeper level of calm. Nothing like a little energetic nadi shodana at a red light.
Mental/Emotional Body
Many panchakarma programs deal with the physical effects of treatments as well as a spiritual component, but to my knowledge, this particular panchakarma program is the only one that fully integrates emotional processing along with the other aspects. The reason for the addition of two yoga therapy sessions is that when physical toxins are eliminated from the body, the emotions suppressed by the toxins come up as well.
For me, the emotional processing was fairly subtle. It started with some very quiet thoughts about wishing I could be a better yoga teacher (if only I could teach like Janice!). If I hadn’t been paying close attention, I would have missed them. But then in my yoga therapy session, we started working with this subtle envy and its complement, shame. At one point, my eyes started fluttering, and after Janice asked me why, I said, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Ahhh... the energy of confusion, the underlying emotion beneath the others. As we continued, I saw an image of my scared inner six-year old hiding behind a door. It turns out her patterns of hiding, comparing and self-criticizing are still my go-to coping mechanisms whenever I get confused. But now that I know the source of these habituated patterns, I can use my adult awareness and tools to respond to the confusion instead of reacting to it. What a gift.
If I hadn’t learned the lesson yet, I got a reminder from nature in the form of a bird that repeatedly banged into the glass window outside. Janice and I said at the same time, “the bird is confused!” Even instinctual beings like birds get confused. Confusion is just a vibration of energy like any other emotion, and we can learn to be with it instead of resisting it (or berating ourselves for it). Part of our inner knowing is sometimes not knowing.
Wisdom Body
After about four full days of clean food, plenty of rest, fresh air, two-hour massages, shirodhara, and daily yoga and yoga nidra, Dr. Jain took my pulse and said, “your mind is still very active, isn’t it?” Um, well, yeah, how did you know? (He knew by taking my pulse--go figure).
The amount of sensory input and stress that we endure on a daily basis is staggering when you really think about it. Television. Internet. Email and texting. Phones ringing. Cars and sirens. Conference calls. Meetings. It’s no wonder that we find it hard to unwind and relax.
Even after almost a week of being unplugged, my mind calmer, but still over-active. From that point on, I incorporated even more pranayama and yoga nidra, and I started to observe noticeable shifts toward a quieter mind and a more centered presence. By the end of the week, the pace of my thoughts actually slowed down. I got a beautiful glimpse of what a quiet mind actually feels like, and it felt magical.
Bliss Body
When living on a quiet ashram near a beautiful lake, it is not difficult to get a sense of oneness, of the bliss in everything. An evening of kirtan certainly helped honor the energy of the divine.
Two specific moments, though, stood out for me. The first was on a walking meditation through a national forest on our last full day. I experienced a joyous sense of oneness and exhilaration as I gazed at the stately pine trees set against a brilliant azure sky. Magnificent.
The other was on the last day, when Dr. Jain took my pulse and said, “your vata is down, your pitta is down, your ama is gone. This is what it feels like to be in balance.” I started crying tears of joy. To know that my intentions had been realized. My efforts had paid off. And the best part was that I could feel the difference in every layer of my being: a clean, clear body; deeper breathing and an increased flow of energy; the sweet release of emotional baggage; a calm, relaxed state of mind; and a stronger connection to the oneness of everything. Now that is bliss.
Kristin Stevens graduated from the ShivaShakti Synthesis Level I program in 2010 and currently coordinates Level I marketing and ShivaShakti's Facebook page (please visit our page to join the conversation!). She is also a business coach who specializes in helping healing practitioners make their vision a reality and make a good living in the process. Check out her affordable coaching options, including a new virtual community for healers, at www.kristinmstevens.com.
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