The gift of presence

The gift of presence

“Listening is more than simply hearing. Listening involves all the senses.” Jim Canterucci

How often have you said or heard someone say they just want to be seen, they just want to be heard? Why is it we feel this way? To truly listen to someone, as opposed to just hearing words (not unlike the cartoon of a human commanding a dog to sit or stay and it turns out what the dog is hearing is blah, de-blah, de-blah), is to begin to establish the conditions of truly connecting with another. It is establishing presence.

Recently, during the level two teacher-training weekend, we engaged in an exercise of establishing presence and then listening. The response from those who were heard for two to three minutes was profound. People were surprised that emotions arose through such a simple exercise, that they felt so moved. This may be because many of us unfortunately do not have much experience in being fully heard by another with non-judgmental presence. By presence I mean, fully awake and aware of what the other is saying. In other words, listening cannot happen unless first we ground and center ourselves in the moment. This is our greatest gift, our presence.

So how can we learn to listen? Try this exercise with a friend. First, one of you will choose to be the “listener” and one will be the “speaker.”

The listener will need to find him or herself. To do this, ground. Feel your feet, legs, sitz bones, pelvis and the base of your skull. Feel the sacrum as the potent source of energy at the core. As the tailbone roots down into the earth, the sacrum initiates the rebounding energy drawing up to the crown of the head. The sacrum and tailbone are the anchors that allow the crown of the head to open to what is going on outside without losing one’s center.
From that place, set an intention to listen with your whole body, not just your ears.
Ask your partner in this experience what is most present for them at this moment. Then let them talk, without analyzing, judging or fixing.
Rather than telling them what to do, try asking more questions. “Can you tell me more about it? What is your sense about what is present? Where is it felt? Does it have a shape, color or texture? Does it feel light or dark, loose or tight, etc?”

It is interesting how often we try to “fix” without finding out what the problem is. No wonder our best advice is not taken. When we take the time to listen the person being heard usually doesn’t end up needing fixing. As they hear themselves, the answer arises.

Give this a try. Give the greatest gift there is, your presence. And let me know how it goes.

Shanti